Wholly War
Numbers 31: 1-24


This may be the most disturbing section thus far.  When people refer to the angry God of the Old Testament, they are talking about passages like this one.  Lots of darkness here.

So God tells Moses that it's time for some vengeance.  Go grab John Wayne, Mel Gibson, and Quentin Tarantino, saddle up the troops, and clean out the Midianites.  They take 12,000 troops (one thousand from each tribe) and along with Phinehas the priest, went to battle.  Phinehas' job here is to sound the trumpet and carry articles from the sanctuary.  Seemingly the least important figure, probably the most.

So Israel puts on their blue face paint and cleans house.  Mike Tyson boxing Justin Beiber.  Every Midian man dies including all five kings and our old friend Balaam.  They take all kinds of plunder, gather up all the women and children, burn the villages to the ground and head back to Moses and Eleazor.

With such an astounding victory, they were probably surprised by Moses' angry reaction.  Why are the women still alive?  They are the ones who listened to Balaam and caused that plague to happen.  Kill all the boys and kill every female who isn't a virgin.  You can keep the virgins for yourselves.

So God's spokesperson speaks out here in a way that disturbs.  Kill and capture.  Even the innocent.  Even the children.  And those you deem worthy of life, are now your physical property.

After the battle anyone who had killed someone or touched something dead had to wait seven days before returning to camp so that purification could occur.  They had to go through a purification ceremony on days three and seven. Anything that could stand fire needed to burned and washed with the "water of cleansing".  If it wouldn't make it through the fire, it still had to be washed.

This section is beyond disturbing.  How do you explain away the brutality of vengeance here?  This is all God's will- in fact His command.  He knows the subtext, the hearts of the individuals, and the big picture, but even  that seems like an easy answer to pretend that such vengeance is beyond the figure who we envision as our Loving Father.

Perhaps the most helpful aspect to this horror story is to envision the potential fate of ourselves were it not for the vengeance-clearing sacrifice of Jesus.  Maybe a story like this can make us appreciate at an even greater level what Jesus went through to spare us the fate of the Midianites.

Pinky Swears and Heart Crosses:  The Cold, Hard Truth
Numbers 30

Moses covers vows in this chapter... and you likely won't be surprised to find that they're a tad (a lot) sexist.

So if you're a man when you take a vow to the LORD (swear to God?) or pledge an oath... you gotta follow through.  Do everything you say.

If you're a woman, same deal...unless you still live at home.  When your dad hears your vow, he can say- nope, not gonna happen and you're relieved from your vow.  If he doesn't speak up, the vow stands.

Or, if you are married.  When your husband hears your vow, same result.  If you make the vow before getting married, once you're married your husband can nullify the vow.

Widows and divorcees are treated like man in relation to this law.

Beyond the sexism, the message here is that vows are sacred.  This concept isn't foreign to our culture- our courtrooms demand swearing on a bible, we vow to tell the truth "so help us, God".  I even had a student "swear on the bible" to turn an overdue speech to me posthaste (those were his words, not my requirement... and the speech was never turned in... religion major, go figure).  We also use the concept of oaths regularly in less official contexts.  Promising something somehow means more than just affirming.

Moses here doesn't tell them not to make oaths- just don't make them lightly.  If you pledge- you better follow through.  Jesus later removes the loophole- don't pledge, just be honest to start with.

Nothing Says "Festival" Like Killing Your Livestock
Numbers 29: 12-40

We're still in rerun city.  Moses rehashes the particulars of the Festival of Tabernacles.  You can read our previous (and no less scintillating) discussion of it here:  http://chiphall.blogspot.com/2010/03/table-or-booth-leviticus-23-33-44-five.html


This time through, Moses gives a little more detail (much less scintillating) about the particulars of each day's sacrifice schedule.  Each day features a number of bulls, rams, lambs, and a goat to be sacrificed, as well as grain offerings. Each day the burnt offering requires one fewer bull as part of the requirement, but on the eighth day it jumps from seven bulls to only one.

Maybe the message here is that God is saying with each sacrifice, you get a little closer to being ok - a little more sin is wiped away.  However at the end of the week, they are still required sacrifice, perhaps expressing the futility in wiping the slate clean.  You can't sacrifice enough to undue your sin- your humanity.  It takes the sacrifice of Jesus for that.

I'm not really happy with this interpretation as these sacrifices are burnt offerings and not sin offerings- maybe it's just God saying, you're wiping out your livestock- and while I appreciate the gesture- you need to have some left at the end of the week to be able to survive.

Either way- God is concerned with our well-being.  And that should be a comforting thought.

Please Leave Your Offering at the Sound of Atone
Numbers 29: 7-11


So, this seems to be a return to the July 10 Day of Atonement that we discussed a couple of years ago.  Here's a reminder of that discussion:  http://chiphall.blogspot.com/2010/03/atone-deaf-leviticus-23-26-32-nine-days.html

But actually, we really began discussing it even earlier:  http://chiphall.blogspot.com/2009/10/escape-goat-leviticus-16-day-of.html


Moses' detail here is basically- on July 10th, don't eat, spend the day resting, and offer some burnt, sin, grain, and drink offerings...which doesn't really sound like a day of rest.  I see no mention of a sleep offering or netflix offering.

Doesn't seem like much new here- it seems to be a reestablishing of a ceremonial day from the past.

Satchmo the Israelite (Reprise)
Numbers 29: 1-6

This section seems to be a rehashing of Leviticus 23:23-25.  I'm sure you remember our discussion of it vividly back from February of 2010- but just in case you don't, you can reread about it here.  It didn't take long:

http://chiphall.blogspot.com/2010/02/satchmo-israelite-leviticus-23-23-25.html

Moses gives a little more detail about the food offerings here but there's little other difference.  I guess what's interesting to ponder here is audience.  I guess this section is more to revitalize their ceremony that had died sometime during all  of their wandering.

A new generation of followers would need to be reminded of the ritual -and learn all the cool jazz tunes.

I bet they had a mean rendition of When the Saints go Marching In.

Burn After Reading
Numbers 28: 26-31

More sacrifice instruction.  Yippee.

So on the "Day of firstfruits" (I'm not sure if this is a calendar day celebrated collectively or just the day when crops are gathered) when they make a grain offering during the Festival of Weeks they get a day off from work and are to hold a sacred assembly.

Then there's to be a burnt offering- two young bulls, one ram, and seven male lambs.  There is also to be a grain offering with each animal offered.  Once again there is to be a goat offered for atonement in addition to drink offerings.  And of course the animals must be defect-free.

OK, this alone sounds like quite a bit to keep straight- but when you attach it to all of the other offerings that have been discussed in this chapter- daily offerings, Sabbath offerings, monthly offerings and Passover offerings- how were they ever able to keep it all straight?  I'm guessing they didn't have calendar options on their iphones.

I guess it's likely that keeping up with all the particulars (and likely performing the actual sacrifices too) was the responsibility of the priests and they would have been trained for such tasks- and it would have been their profession- so there would be plenty of time to learn it all.  Also, they probably didn't have a lot of Beatles lyrics or other random trivia bouncing around in their heads to fill up that memory space.

Even so, it seems like this is an amazingly complex process.  Is that part of the deal- is God showing His power by making them jump through hoops that would be next to impossible to get right? Am I simply underestimating these people?  Whichever the case- it doesn't exactly make for riveting reading.

The Jewish State Fair is a Great State Fair

Numbers 28:16-25

So we've gone through the daily, weekly, and monthly sacrificial requirements- and Moses, all too predictably, next enters into requirements for an annual offering.  January 14th is Passover Day, no school, no mail, and the post office will be closed.  The 15th marks the beginning of a seven day festival.  No yeast may be eaten during this period.  Day one is a sacred assembly with no regular work being done except perhaps by the Israelite carnies.  A food offering is to be given consisting of two young bulls, a ram and seven one-year-old male lambs.   These will be burnt offerings.

With each animal offered they are to also present a grain offering which varies depending on which animal it accompanies.  In addition, a goat is to be offered as a sin offering.  These offerings are to be made in addition to the daily offerings.  

The seventh day mirrors the first - a sacred assembly with no regular work.  I see no mention of roasted lamb on a stick or booths to play Whack an Egyptian.  In fact this word "festival" seems kind of strange. While they may get a couple of days off of regular work- they seem to have responsibilities packed on.  This seems to be a festival for God- not a ride the rides see the shows kind of outing. 

However, this festival gives them the opportunity to be forgiven for sins- something that life without Jesus wouldn't have offered an a regular basis.  So perhaps it was indeed a party.  Even without those leaven filled funnel cakes.

Please Don't Let the 1st be on a Saturday
Numbers 28: 11-15


In addition to the daily and weekly offerings, they also had monthly sacrifices to make:  two young bulls, one ram, and seven one year old male lambs- and these were to be fine specimens- not the gimpy ones.  With each bull there's an accompanying grain offering of a flour/oil mixture.  There is also one with the ram with a different ratio of flour to oil.  Each lamb also has a more diluted mixture required as a grain offering.  Each sacrifice also has a requirement of a drink offering (the amount of wine varying with which animal is being sacrificed).  In addition, a male goat is to be made as a sin offering.

So, if the first falls on a sabbath, I guess they would have to sacrifice their daily, weekly, and monthly sacrifice on that day.  So much for the day of rest.

As with the other sacrifice specification sections, the specifics seem a bit worrisome to me.  As someone who doesn't deal well with detail, this kind of requirement would have been disastrous.  I would think that the priests would handle all of the particulars, but even so, God's demand of precision here from sacrifice to sacrifice is a little puzzling.

Perhaps there's a profound reason for all of the differences in amounts, but at a cursory glance it seems to be hoops to jump through.  But even if it is simply an act of power, it's certainly an appropriate one.

Moses Could Have Used an Editor
Numbers 28:9-10


A short passage with more sacrificial decrees.  Every Sabbath, in addition to the burnt and drink offerings discussed last section, they are to offer two perfect lambs a year old.  It comes with an extra drink offering and a grain offering.

I wonder why Moses feels so compelled to chronicle all of the detail here.  We're nearing the end of Moses' life, so perhaps this was to serve as a reference book for them to insure they're getting the sacrifices right.  The sacrifices are likely continuing as the book is written, I assume.  So maybe it's just to keep them straight.

Or maybe Moses has a really sick sense of humor.  It could be like Andy Kaufman selling tickets for a stand-up performance and reading from The Great Gatsby for a couple of hours.  The joke is on them.

And maybe Moses is laughing now.  There's some schmuck in Tennessee pouring over all the boring detail in Numbers.  HAHAHA- I hope he keeps going.

...and I guess I will.

Mo Had a Little Lamb
Numbers 28: 1-8




God tells Moses to reinstate the food offerings.  Moses thinks it's a good literary choice to include all the detail of the offerings again here.  They are to present two pure year old lambs for sacrifice each day (surely this must mean the community as a whole and not each individual Israelite- or else there's a whole lotta killin' goin' on) one in the morning and one at twilight.  A drink offering of about a liter of fermented drink is to accompany each lamb.

That's it.  Not much to this section- except that as they enter the promised land, perhaps God is using this sacrifice as a way to create a little normalcy in their lives.  While they wouldn't have been at Sinai to witness or share in these sacrifices, perhaps the stories of them would remain in their families.  So maybe God is saying, Your parents didn't really get it, but I'm starting over with you- I'm asking the same things, I'm requiring the same obedience, the slate is clean and we'll try this again.  Please... learn from your parents.

Or maybe God really likes lamb chops.

Post Mo
Numbers 27:12-23


God tells Moses to head up the mountain so he can get a good view of the land he won't inherit.  After he sees it, God will gather him up.  God reminds him that he can't go in because he and Aaron didn't treat Him as holy back with that whole water from the rock thing.  At first glance this seems pretty harsh.  Here, smell this dessert that everyone but you will get to eat.  But this might be a way to show him what all the walking was for.  You aren't quite getting to the finish line- but without you, these people might not be here.  Look at the reward and picture them in it.

It's interesting too that his punishment is the afterlife.  Is going to "heaven" less of a reward than Canaan?  No, no mansion of gold for me, I'd prefer war with giants.  To be fair, as little as we understand about what is to come, these people likely knew even less. Perhaps this punishment was a reward in hindsight.

Moses, though, is concerned about the future of his people.  Look- without me they're going to be wandering aimlessly, falling into pits, losing their sandals, bumping into each other- they'll need a new shepherd.  God tells him to take Joshua, pus his hands on him before Eleazar and the whole community and give him some of his authority. Joshua is to stand before Eleazar who will give God's decisions using the Urim.  The people will move on his command.

OK- makes sense except for the whole Urim thing.  A quick google search indicates that the Urim (as opposed to the Thummim) was a special rock that indicated a yes/no response.  So, if after talking to God about an issue, one rock on the priest's breastplate lit up (like a lightbulb) it indicated God's response- like a divinely inspired magic 8 ball.

So Moses followed through and Joshua was commissioned.

Two things really strike me here.

First, even Moses didn't really get what happens after you die.  At least it sure seems that way.  And if Moses, the closest thing the Israelites have to Jesus- in fact a figure who in many ways foreshadows Jesus- didn't get it, we aren't likely going to figure it out either.  And so it becomes a lesson of trust.  Follow and trust.

Second, Moses worries about what he leaves behind.  It's great to be heaven-focused (yes, even essential) but it shouldn't make us less concerned about people who are still around.  Moses wanted to make sure that their well being was taken care of before he left for the real promised land.  And while Moses seems a bit full of himself (to me) at times- this is a great example of his selflessness.  

Susan B. Zelophehad
Numbers 27:1-11


So after entering the promised land, five sisters, the daughters of Zelophehad are none too pleased.  They came from the clan of Manasseh, but their father Zelophehad died in the wilderness.  So they came before Moses, Eleazar, the leaders and the whole assembly and said- look, daddy Zel had five daughters and no son.  He died in transit- he died for his sins, but it's not like he was one of the Kora followers who blatantly revolted against God.  Why should his name die out in the clan just because he didn't have any sons?  Here's a solution- give us what belonged to our family.

The council is shocked.  What, you mean women could actually own land?  But, how will you feed yourselves without men to help you?

OK, maybe they didn't go that far- but you have to be impressed with a story about women's rights in a book so often disturbingly misogynistic.

Moses takes the case before the Lord- and seems to not so much ask for counsel as to give it.  He says- these ladies are right.  You must give them their land and inheritance.

Must? This is much more than making God aware of the situation. It is clear to me that Moses' story is a foreshadowing of Jesus'.  He's not just a spokesperson, he's an advocate.  He's the defense attorney.  He's got their back very much like Christ's intercessions for us.

And God listens.  Tell them, He says, if a man dies with no sons, give the inheritance to his daughters.  If there are also no daughters, give it to his brothers.  If there are no brothers, go to the next closest relative.  Treat this like any other commandment- it has the force of law.


OK, so it's not exactly the ERA.  Women are still not getting the same perks as men here.  But at least for these five women (Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milkah and Tirzah) despite living in a patriarchal age they score a point for women.  


And what I take from this story is the importance of looking out for those whose voices are minimized- women, or minorities, or the poor, or the displaced, or prisoners, or the stranger, or the new guy, or immigrants, or homosexuals, or the inarticulate.  Whoever society thinks unworthy of power, (perhaps the thieves and prostitutes) are worthy of God's love and may only realize it when we treat them as equals.

Counting on You

Numbers 26

Ahh, Numbers. How I love it when you count.  Yep- it's census time.  As a former census worker, I wish there were more details from the eccentric of the clans- people who think the government comes in at night and silently move their property lines in- or folks who list "chicken chaser" as their profession on the form.  Alas, the account here is much less colorful.  If only Georgia had been the promised land.

We get a new count here.  I think the point is to see where we stand after the 40 extra years of wandering and to make sure that no one sneaks into Canaan that was denied entrance.  Also, it gives a sense of how they've progressed population-wise since the last great count.  Ah, what a fascinating passage that one was.

So the last plague happened killing off a bunch of Israelites and God tells Moses and Aaron's kid Eleazar to count these people by family.  They're counting those 20 years or older- and I would assume just the male folk since the age stipulation is there to determine their battle worth.  I'm guessing there weren't many co-ed battalions back in the day.  

So Moses and Eleazar stand by the Jordan and tell them to get it done.  That concludes the plot.  The rest is results.

Reuben's kin are named by generation- they number at 43,730.

In the Reuben section we are reminded that Dathan and Abiram were part of Korah's unsuccessful rebellion against Moses and Aaron that resulted in a fire killing 250 people.  Korah's line, however, didn't die out.  Dathan and Abiram's heritage is laid out- so his family is sure to not forget their link to the scandal.

Simeon's kin were numbered at 22,200.  No commentary for them.

Gad had 40,500.

Judah had 76,500.  Two of his sons Er and Onan were singled out.  They died in Canaan so apparently have no line behind them here.

Issachar had 64,300 in their number,

Zebulun had a slightly smaller count with 60,500.

As you may recall, Joseph got a double inheritance and so two sons get their own tribse,  Manasseh had 52,700 and Ephraim had 32,500.  

Benjamin had 45,600.

Dan apparently only had one son- or at least one son with children.  All of his line went through Shuham- and they had 64,400 in his clan.

Asher had 53,400.  It is also noted that Asher had a daughter named Serah.  It's only a parenthetical reference, but still a rarity to see a woman's name on a list like this.

Naphtali had 45,400.

This grand total (at least according to Moses) comes to 601,730.  God tells Moses to distribute land based on the size of the clans- but it is to be done by lots.  

The Levites weren't included in this group- they weren't soldier-types but there were 23,200 of them.  It says they weren't counted because they didn't receive a portion of the inheritance.  Similar to the Reuben section, we are reminded that Nadab and Abihu (and their strange, unauthorized fire) belonged to the Levite family.  However we are also reminded of Moses and Aaron's place in this line. Moses also names his mother Jochebed, and his sister Miriam.

None of the escapees were still alive except for Joshua and Caleb.  

It must have been a strange mixture of emotion for the wanderers as the last few former slaves neared death.  They couldn't enter the promised land until the last few died.  Would they have wanted Uncle Elhathazar to hang on for another couple of years- or would you just die already?  There's milk and honey waiting.

One thing I take away is that families aren't left unstained by the failures of their offspring.  We are truly in it together- when we stumble, others are forced to wander and to sometimes have our failure associated with their name for long periods of time.  

Maybe the answer is a help in carrying such burdens.  When my loved ones struggle- I shouldn't dread the association- but welcome the opportunity to lighten the load, to help the fight, to let the troubled know they aren't alone.  Let me help guide, let me support, let me comfort, let me share some of the aftermath.  You aren't facing this by yourself.  We've signed up to help you.

Old School STD's
Numbers 25


So the Israelite men became intrigued with women from another nation- particularly the Moabite women.  And they acted on this interest.  It seems that Shittim (their current campgrounds) became a hotbed of hanky panky and consequently of Baal worship.  As you might expect, God was none too pleased.


So God tells Moses, go kill all the leaders in the light of day.  No sneak attack, no drive-by shooting- make sure everyone knows these deaths are My punishment.


If there was ever a time for a leader to delegate responsibility, this was it- so Moses tells Israel judges to go ahead and kill all of their people who have Marvin Gaye playing in their tents.

One particularly brash Israelite named Zimri flaunted his dalliances.  He brought a girl named Kozbi into the tent of "meeting" (it was probably that brazen Lisa Bonet).  This Kozbi kid was also the daughter of a Midianite tribal chief.  Aaron's grandson Phinehas would have none of it.  He grabbed his spear, followed them into the tent, and drove the spear through both of them which is pretty impressive both strength-wise and geometrically. This apparently satisfied God and the plague stopped.

But not before 24,000 people died.

God says two things.  First- he praises the zeal of Phinehas.  He gives him credit for turning away His anger.  And as a result God sets up a covenant with him and his offspring.  They will have a lasting priesthood.  I'm not really sure how this is different than what is already established since he's Aaron's grandson.  Wouldn't he already be part of this priesthood?  I would think that this would be part of the compulsion to cleanse the tent of meeting.

Second- He refers to the Kozbi incident as deception on the part of the Midianites.  They are to treat the Midianites as enemies.

So, were the Moabite flirtations a ploy to separate Israel from God and weaken their strength?  Was the religious orgy simply a military strategy?  Is that why God reacts with such venom? God still showcases His power- but it certainly does reduce the number of men in the camp.

Stories like these are hard for me to make much sense of in our context.  How do you reconcile a God who kills 24,000 of His own people with the God we see through Jesus' message of love and grace?

One thing is clear.  God takes idolatry and sexual sin seriously.  And that even those people who saw His power so directly weren't immune to the charms of such sin.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow
Numbers 24: 23-25


Balaam concludes his terse curse verses.

Unfortunately, no one can survive God's wrath when He heads down a path like this.
Ships will come from Cyprus
They'll conquer Asher and Eber
But don't celebrate much- they too will come to ruin.

At this point Balaam skipped town- and Balaak made no attempt to pursue him.

It took him a long time, but Balaak seemed to finally get that this whole scheme wasn't going to work out.  And while it's easy to view him as a stubborn, devious plotter it's also easy to cling to your own devices of manipulation, deception and self-delusion.  But at least in this instance, the attempt to hang on- the attempt to try to use God against His own people only resulted in more and more heartache.

Not Even Barbie Will be Spared
Numbers 24: 21-22


At this point, Balaam is rolling.  He looks over and sees the Kenites and curses them too.

He says,

Yeah, you've got a secure dwelling.
It's like a nest made of stone.
But that's not gonna stop Ashur.
You'll be taken captive and destroyed.

It seems like Balaak has taken a big stick and beat a horne'ts nest trying to get honey.  The result is a whole lot of stinging.  Perhaps the message here is simply God's power.  So much capacity for love and grace- but so much power to destroy when people try to manipulate Him.

This is a scary image to picture as God- until you frame it in its context.  God is saying- don't mess with Me, and don't mess with My children.  As one of God's children, it is comforting to realize just how much God has my back.

Curses, Foiled Again
Numbers 24:20


So since, he was rolling, Balaam spots Amalek (I'm guessing the nation of, not some guy named Amalek) and keeps the curses flowing.  Amalek seems to be the arch-nemesis of Israel- Esau's grandson was named Amalek, so I guess these are his people but they often get a little feisty around the chosen folks.

Balaam predicts that though they were the first nation, they will end in total destruction.

This seems to be a little more of the same from the last section.  God says, you can't buy My love.  I will not be manipulated.  And here's a little curse for your trouble.

Balak's Bad Investment


Numbers 24: 15-19


Balaam gives his warning- but the word "warning" implies the opportunity to escape- so perhaps it's more accurate to call Balaam's oration a curse.  He says:

Here's my prophecy.
I see clearly.
I hear God's word.
I have knowledge from God,
He speaks to me in visions.
In those visions, I submit and God opens my eyes.

So, I see this guy, but He's not here right now.
I sense Him, but it's not like he's nearby.
He'll be like this star rising out of Jacob
or a sceptor out of Israel.
And when He comes- look out!
He'll crush Moab's head and Sheth's skulls.
Edom?  Seir?
Conquered.  Conquered.
In contrast- watch Israel grow.
This ruler will come through Jacob and destroy the survivors of the city.

Balak might be up for the schmuck of the year award.  He goes out and hires Balaam thinking he's got an inside source to combat God's people from the inside.  Not only does his plan not work- he ends up making things even worse for his people.

Not only will I not curse Israel, since you asked, I'll bless them and curse you.  Oops.

It seems to me the message here is that God is a not a puppet to be manipulated by His people.  His spokespeople can't manipulate reality and say whatever benefits their particular cause or pet project.  Balaam couldn't find a loophole to squeeze through and frame God's will differently for his own purposes.

And neither can we.  Explaining God's will away through political propaganda, American ideology, or even with rhetoric designed to excuse and comfort ourselves doesn't change God's will.  And clearly, He doesn't like the attempt to proclaim his will inaccurately for selfish gain.

As for the prophecy itself, it seems to point to Jesus, although it seems a little violent for Jesus' style. It's easy to see why the people of Jesus' day were expecting a different kind of Messiah- one who was a little more Dirty Harry than Prince of Peace.

3rd Time's a Charm
Numbers 23:27- 24:14


By now it should be clear to Balak that Balaam is not the guy to deliver a curse on God's people. However, undaunted, he hypothesizes that it's the location that is the issue, not the fact that his medium is flat out saying that he won't speak against God.  Is Balak hoping that God will love His people less if He sees them from a different angle?  Oh yes, when I see them in profile, it's clear these people aren't worth protecting...

Perhaps this was a spot that Balak considered holy- and thought that God would think so too.  No dice.   Peor has the same effect as the other locations, even though there are still seven altars built for seven bulls and seven rams.

Balaam didn't need to divine a message from God this time. Since he saw that God was happy to bless Israel, he just looked out to the wilderness, saw the Israelites in their camps and spoke another God-poem.

Here comes another prophecy from Balaam
He sees things like they are
This guy hears God's words
Sees God's visions
Humbles himself and has his eyes opened

Jacob, you have some fine tents
Israel, I like where you live

Your land spreads out like a valley
Like a garden before a river
Like God's own aloes
Like cedars by the water
That water will flow from their buckets
And there will be more than plenty for their seed

Agag has nothing on their king
Israel's kingdom will be exalted

God brought them out of Egypt
They have the strength of a wild ox
Hostile nations are devoured by them
They will break their bones into little pieces
They pierce them with their arrows
Look at them crouching like a lion
Or even a lioness- who would be foolish enough to stir them up?
(I imagine Balaam gives Balak a good hard stare on this line)

May those who bless Israel be blessed
May those who curse them be cursed

So not only has Balaam not cursed Israel- he seems to be cursing Balak instead.  No plot twist, Balak isn't happy.

He claps his hands (NOT in applause) and says... DUDE! I said curse them- and three times you've blessed them.  Go home.  I said I would pay you a lot- but God has stopped you from being rewarded.

This is kind of funny.  Balak obviously believes in God's power or he wouldn't want this curse so badly- and his phrasing (God has stopped you) seems to hint that this curse might not be just for show.  But he seems shocked that Balaam wouldn't value money over integrity.

Balaam replies- look, I only did what I said I would.  No amount of money could stop me from saying what God wanted me to.  So, yeah, I'm going back home... but before I do, let me tell you about what the Israelites are going to do to your people.

The lesson here is more of the same.  God can't be manipulated.  Your craftiness isn't smart enough to fool Him.  As a result, stay on His side instead of trying to play both sides from the middle.

And if you do the same thing three times, you're likely to get the same result all three times.