So Who Delivers the Eulogy?

Leviticus 21- 22:16

So God gives Moses a list of rules for Aaron and his spawn to follow as they take care of priestly duties. First off, they can't make themselves unclean out of mourning practices- unless they are mourning a relative. For mom, dad, son, daughter, brother, or unmarried sister, he's welcome to become ceremonially unclean- but NOT for an in-law. Interesting that wife doesn't make this list. It's kind of implied that this kind of mourning for a wife would be natural- since the reason he can mourn for his unmarried sister is because she has no husband- but the wife,for whatever reason, is omitted from the Master's master list.

No shaving of the head, no cutting of the edges of the beard, they'd fit right in at a ZZ Top concert. Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed priest.

They also cannot cut their bodies. Sounds like a good rule of thumb, priest or not.

They can't marry former prostitutes or divorced women. This is to maintain their sanctity because they prepare God's food.

If a priest's daughter becomes a prostitute, she gets burned in the fire. I'm guessing it would be an amazing day for an Israelite community if they were able to abstain from killing a community or family member. Hooray- we all survived!

The high priest has even more restriction. He must keep his head covered. And he can't be in the presence of a dead body. He can't make himself unclean- even for a parent. He can't leave the sanctuary- or defile it. He has to marry a virgin- so no ex-prostitutes, no divorcees, no widows. This virgin must also be from his own people. This is so he doesn't defile his offspring among his people.

These Israelites were a tad ethnocentric. Let's keep those bloodlines pure. The major contextual difference between these folks and contemporary racists is the motivation. At this point the gospel is not for all. God's inclusive kingdom hasn't been established yet- and this physical kingdom was made of God's chosen people. If the Jewish folks hadn't kept this priestly family pure- I'm guessing it would complicate things when it came time to open the doors- it would be harder to establish a Jewish rejection of all things Jesus.

I get it. I see (at least in part) why things were this way. It's still awfully hard for me to swallow. How'd you like to be the young girl from the next village over with a pure heart, in love with a priest- but sorry- not Jewish.

Next up an equally troubling section. If a priest has any kid with a physical defect- blind, lame, disfigured, deformed, crippled hand or foot, hunchbacked, dwarfed, eye defect, festering sores, damaged testicles (nope, didn't make up any of those) then keep him away from God's food. He can still eat the priest's food- but don't let him near the altar or curtain.

So like this kid isn't going to have enough to deal with? Not only can you not play on the lacrosse team- not only are the kids gonna make up cruel names for you (anyone know a Hebrew word that rhymes with fester?), but even at home, you'll be treated as less than the rest of us. Keep that club foot out of the sanctuary.

Same thing for descendants who catch a skin diseases (like leprosy), has a bodily discharge, has touched something defiled by a corpse or someone who has had an emission of semen. They are to stay away from the sacred offerings until they are made clean again. They can't even eat the priest's food until they are made clean again. He'll be clean at susnet- and then he can eat. He can't eat anything a wild animal has torn apart.

It's funny to think that Jesus treats these people totally differently. The marginalized folks in all of these categories are the people who would have flocked to Him- the former prostitutes, the divorced, the widowed, the scorned gentile, the physically disabled- these are Jesus' people! He even touched the lepers.

And maybe this criteria is setting up a religious context that makes the work of Jesus even that much more remarkable.

Finally, God specifies that the priest food is for the priest's family- no one else. Not a guest, not a hired worker. The exception would be a slave- either bought by the priest or one born into his house. If a priest's daughter marries a non-priest... no more priest food, unless she is widowed or divorced before she has children and comes back to live with her family. Then she can eat it.

If you accidentally eat the priest's food (hmmm, I wonder who this charred piece of meat belongs to? Oh well, finders keepers) you have to repay it to the priest adding an extra one fifth of the value to it. And the priests are forbidden from scamming people into eating their food. Here taste this lamb... mmmm, oh wait- that was mine...where's my extra 20%?

I guess even these holy men of God needed to be kept in line. And maybe this last rule helps to expose the potential any of us have to fall in unthinkable ways. Nice to know that we have Jesus and don't need to stand in that long line at the tabernacle.

Everybody Must Get Stoned

Leviticus 20

And now the ramifications of not following the laws spelled out in the last few chapters.

Anyone who gives his child to Molech will be put to death. The community is supposed to stone him. I would not have liked to be in this take the law into your own hands kind of society. It seems like it would be very easy for someone who didn't like you to find a reason that would warrant stoning... he entered his house 38 minutes before the mold expired... STONE THE HERETIC! This system leaves little room for grace and mercy... which I think is kind of the point.

If the community closes it's eyes against the Molechian and doesn't break out the stones, God will cut him off from his people.

People who turn to mediums and spirits are cut off from their people.

If you curse your mother and father- you are to be put to death.

If a man commits adultery with his neighbor's wife, they are both to be put to death.

If a man sleeps with his father's wife- they are both to be put to death (the son and father's wife- the father is just embarrassed and likely depressed).

If a man sleeps with his daughter in law... yep you guessed it- both put to death.

Male homosexual sex is punishable by death.

If a man marries both a woman and her mother- the three of them are to be burned.

Sex with an animal? Both the man and the animal are to be killed.

If a woman "approaches" an animal for sexual purposes- they are both to be killed. First- what is this "approaches"? Come-on lines to a hedgehog? And secondly, and equally odd is the follow up- their blood will be on their own hands. I get the woman's blood being on her hands- but the animal's? That spotted owl should have known better?

If a man marries his sister and it is consummated, they are to be cut off from their people.

If a man has sex with a woman while she is on her period, they are to be cut off from their people. They have exposed the source of her flow. That's some fine detective work, Israelites.

If a man sleeps with his aunt or marries his brother's wife, they will be childless.

Finally , God sums it all up. Look- you can't follow the customs of the people who used to have this promised land. If you do, you'll get vomited out of it like they did. So keep the clean and unclean straight.

And finally, He adds, a medium or spiritualist among you must be put to death. Get to stoning.

I can't understand why people view the Old Testament as harsh and violent.

Hang on Israelites, a new day is coming.

Etc., Etc., Etc.

Leviticus 19

So we've reached the...oh, and another thing section. Here God gives Moses a list of commands- it's basically a laundry list of how to do good.

Respect your parents and obey the sabbaths. No idols- don't turn to them, don't make them. When you sacrifice a fellowship offering, do it right- you can only eat it for two days- after that it's impure (and potentially pretty nasty anyhow). If you eat it on day three or later- you are to be cut off from your people.

When you collect your crop- don't go to the edge of your land. Don't go over the land a second time- don't pick up grapes that you dropped. Save some for the poor and alien.

Don't steal, don't lie, don't deceive each other.

Don't swear falsely by God's name.

Don't cheat or rob your neighbor. Don't hold back someone's wages over night.

Don't curse the deaf (they might not know, but don't do it anyhow), don't put things in the path of the blind that they might stumble over.

Show justice- don't favor the poor or the rich- be fair.

Don't spread slander- don't endanger your neighbor's life.

Don't hate your brother- rebuke your neighbor so you won't be guilty too. Is God commanding them to police each other? This is a tough concept- am I responsible for the wrong someone else has done? Are you responsible for me? If so... sorry.

Don't seek revenge- don't bear a grudge- love your neighbor as yourself.

Don't mate different kinds of animals- so much for koala-parrot experimentation. Don't plant multiple kinds of seed on your land. Don't wear clothing of two types of fabric.

If a man sleeps with a slave girl who is promised to someone else but is still a slave- he's to be punished for it. No putting to death though- she was a still a slave. The man has to bring a ram as a sin offering to atone for it. Two ways to read this- she was only a slave- not a very serious sin... or she was a slave and couldn't say no- she shouldn't punished as severely. My head says the former, my heart says the latter. Since the man is the one bringing the ram- and since this society is way patriarchal, I think it's another case of women as property- or certainly of less stature. Bothersome.

When you plant a fruit tree in the new land- you're growing "forbidden fruit". For three years eat none of it. Year four is a holy year- all fruit is for sacrifice. Year five, eat away. This seems part sacrifice, part horticulture lesson. As a result, your harvest will increase.

Don't eat blood in the meat. No divination or sorcery.

Don't cut the hair on the sides of your head (did the Israelites resemble Krusty the Clown?), don't trim your beard.

No self-mutilation in mourning for the dead. No tattoos.

Don't make your daughter a prostitute. The land will be overrun with prostitutes if you do.

Observe the sabbaths- have reverence for the sanctuary.

No mediums or spiritualists.

Stand up when old people are around. Show them respect.

Treat immigrants like you do natives. Love them as yourself. Don't force them to learn your language or perform menial tasks that no natives would want to perform. Never say to them love it or leave it. Oh wait, I added that last part. First two sentences came from God, though.

Use honest scales and weights. Don't cheat each other.

Basically- be kind and loving to each other- and obey my commands. There's some weird stuff in there like mixing seeds and counting years for fruit and slave sex penalties- but mostly this is basic how to be good stuff. Treat each other the way you would want to be treated. Pay heed to My laws. Throughout the chapter He repeats I am the Lord your God.

Love God and love your neighbors as yourself. Sounds familiar.

Let's Talk About Sex... Listen up, Oedi

Leviticus 18

If Jake Gittes had read Leviticus 18, Chinatown might have been a much shorter film. So, I guess, I'm kinda glad he didn't.

In this chapter, God lays out all laws concerning sexual activity. If followed correctly, these laws will make for a much less bawdy family reunion. If you're planning an amorous evening, don't read this post until tomorrow. You'll thank me later.

Do not have sex with your mom (it will dishonor your father and... she's your mom. God seems to almost be saying, come on people... she's your mom!). No sex with dad's wife- so step mom's are right out too. Forget about your sister- half or full sister. Even if she didn't grow up in your home. Sex with your grand daughter would dishonor you. No sex with aunts, daughters-in-law, or sisters-in-law.

Don't have sex with both a woman and her daughter- or a woman and her grand-daughter. Don't take your wife's sister as a rival wife- don't have sex with your wife's sister while your wife is living. Don't approach a woman for sex while she is on her period. No sex with the neighbor's wife.

And then in the middle of it all: Don't give your children to be sacrificed to Molech. I'm assuming that there was something sexual that was part of the sacrificial process. Not that God would be okay with it otherwise- it just seems out of place in this passage if sex wasn't involved in some way.

Don't lie with a man as one lies with a woman. No sex with animals. The sex with animals is the first of these laws to specifically address women. Women can't present themselves for sex with animals either.

I would assume that the female equivalent of these other laws would, however, also be true- I think that the lack of specificity says more about a stifling patriarchy in that culture than allowable female promiscuity.

God frames these laws around the idea of being different from surrounding nations. Don't be like Egypt, don't be like Canaan. If you defile this land it will vomit you out like it did the former inhabitants.

It's easy to write this chapter off as disgusting and obvious. Only the most depraved would... fill in the blank. But post-flood, sexual partners would have been at a minimum, especially in a culture that allowed polygamy. And even as the population grew, in a time before cars, telephones, or even singles.com- how much more difficult would it have been to meet someone who wasn't related to you in some way?

Maybe God is saying- this kind of thing was never ideal. Enough generations have gone by...stop it.

There Will NOT Be Blood

Leviticus 17

So apparently the Israelites have a thing for offering sacrifices to goat idols. I don't know what a goat idol is... but I do know that it sounds pretty silly. To combat this tendency, God decrees through Moses that anyone who sacrifices an ox, lamb, or goat instead of bringing it to the priests as a sacrifice is guilty of bloodshed. He will be cut off from his people. No one to hang out with but the goat idols. And they don't talk much.

God refers to this practice as prostitution. Perhaps prostitution was part of their idolic ritual- but at the very least God metaphorically equates the two concepts. Worshiping a false god is the same as whoring yourself.

The other major issue in this chapter is blood eating. Anyone who does it is to also be cutoff from his people. Maybe he can go hang out with the goat worshipers too. If you kill something that is lawful to eat, you must drain the blood out of it before eating it. The blood must then be covered with earth.

God explains why. The life of the creature is in the blood. And it's what is used for atonement. This law goes for the Israelite or the alien.

This sounds like not so big a deal. Of course I wouldn't eat blood. That's pretty nasty. We're not barbarians. But I'm guessing in a culture this legalistic, it was painstaking to ensure that all the blood was removed. I would think a medium-rare sirloin really wasn't much of an option. Although that sounds really good right now.

So what's changed for us? The life is still in the blood. It's not animal blood, it's Jesus' blood- and He encourages us to drink it. And I'm guessing that slaughter houses don't spend much time draining blood and burying it in the earth. Does this change in covenant release us from this burden? If not, perhaps the only option would be vegetarianism- or to kill your own food and prepare it carefully.

Or perhaps this is another contrast section- and between Peter's vision making everything clean and Christ's directive to drink His blood- the stigma is gone. I certainly hope so.

Finally, anyone who eats anything found dead or torn by wild animals must wash his clothes and bathe with water- and he will be unclean until evening. If he doesn't, he will be held responsible. Ah, the Israelite road-kill clause. Happy eating.

Escape Goat

Leviticus 16

The day of atonement is coming. And God tells Moses what Aaron needs to do. First off, he shouldn't be heading into the Most Holy Place all willy-nilly. God will be there in a cloud over the atonement cover of the ark and being in His presence will kill him.

He's to put on his linen underwear, sacred linen tunic, tie a linen sash around him and put on a linen turban. Basically, when in doubt, linen is the right answer for him. Before he puts them on, he's to take a bath. He is to get a bull for a sin offering and a ram for a burnt offering. And then from the Israelites, he's to get two male goats for a sin offering and a ram for a burnt offering.

The bull is for his own atonement and his family's. The goats seem to be for atonement for the community. Aaron is to cast lots and one goat becomes a sin offering- the other is to be released into the desert as a scapegoat (or as a former debater of mine calls it, an "escape goat"... I was so proud), or a goat of removal.

This is an interesting concept. He lays hands on the goat and confesses all the Israelite sin and then the goat is sent out into the desert with the help of an appointed Israelite. So atonement is made here without the need for bloodshed. There's still a sacrifice with the other goat- but this goat carries the sins into the desert. I'm not sure what to make of this. Is God trying out another system to see how it works? Is it that killing the one goat wasn't enough and God's showing that even upping the ante isn't enough to take care of it all? Jesus will still be necessary.

So Aaron can go behind the curtain to the Most Holy Place to make atonement. He's to take a censer of burning coals from the altar and two handfulls of finely ground fragrant incense when he goes. The incense goes on the fire making a fragrant shield of sorts between him and God's presence. This will keep him from dying... so he should probably be sure to remember it.

He's to sprinkle blood on the atonement cover- and then blood before it seven times.

He's to do the same with the goat for the Israelites' sins. He is to also sprinkle the tent of meeting with goat blood. Not the decor I would have chosen. The tent of meeting must be vacant except for Aaron while he's in the Most Holy Place and the tent of meeting. Blood from the bull and goat go on the horns of the altar and get sprinkled on the altar too.

Then Aaron goes into the tent of meeting and takes off the linen garments and leaves them there. He is to bathe with water in a holy place and put his regular clothes back on. Then he comes out in front of the people and makes the sacrfiice for himself and also for them. So sacrfice and sprinkling privately, cooking in front of the group.

The man who is in charge of the scapegoat has to wash his clothes and take a bath before returning back into camp. The remains of the bull and goat used are to be taken outside of camp and burned up. The person who does this must wash his clothes and take a bath before returning to camp.

This is a long term practice. It happens once a year on the tenth day of the seventh month. It's a sabbath- no work is to be done.

So lots of boring detail- the invention of the scapegoat- and perhaps most important of all- a clear sign that God takes this sin stuff seriously. It's hard to get rid of it- killing the animals, sending them into the desert- even burning them outside of camp ultimately won't be enough. It'll take Jesus.

Dealing with the Navy and Aunt Flo

Leviticus 15

And you thought the last several sections were disgusting.

Chapter 15 is a fun stroll through the world of bodily discharges, including but not necessarily limited to sexual secretions and menstruation. This is an entry you might not want to read out loud.

The passage covers three types of secretions. The first is described vaguely. If any man has a bodily discharge, he is unclean. That could mean a lot of things. He has a cold? He urinated? Sneezed? Was sweating? I've ruled out sexual and menstrual secretions since they're mentioned later.

Since it specifies a continual flow or blockage, I'm going to surmise that it's talking about open sores... and you thought it would be something gross.

So, if you've got them, you're unclean. Any bed you lie on and anything you sit on is unclean. If someone touches the bed of the puss-laden or sits where they sat, he is unclean.

Don't shake hands while you're in this state- if you touch anyone, he or she is unclean until evening. The same is true if you have these sores and you spit on someone. This is a lovely thought. If I don't have a gaping wound, I guess it would be okay to barrage you with a storm of loogies.

A number of other things will make you unclean if you come into contact with "Open-Sore Man". First off, if he sits on something while riding, it's unclean. If you touch anything that was under him while riding, you're unclean. If you pick up any of these things, you must wash your clothes and bathe with water...and you're still unclean.

If he touches a clay pot- it must be broken. Anything made of wood he touches must be rinsed with water. Once he's clean- he is to wait seven days. On the eighth, he takes two doves or pigeons to the priest for atonement sacrifices.

And we move onto semen. After an emission, a man's whole body must be washed and he is unclean until evening. Any article of clothing that gets any semen onto it must be washed- it is unclean until evening. If the discharge is from a sexual union, both the man and woman are unclean until evening.

Next, everyone's favorite topic of discussion, menstruation. When a woman's flow comes, she is unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her is unclean. Anything she lies or sits on is unclean. Anyone who touches anything she sits on, bed or otherwise is unclean and must wash his clothes and bathe with water.

An ambiguous directive follows which may imply sexual activity with a woman on her period. If this happens, the man is unclean for seven days. The other possible interpretation here is if the two share a bed and the man comes in contact with the discharge.

If the discharge lasts longer than the seven days, she in unclean until it stops. It seems at least most if not all of the rules regarding her still apply in the prolonged period period as well.

When she's cleansed, she counts off seven days and then she is ceremonially clean. That means a woman is not often ceremonially clean. If she is flowing for seven days and purifying for seven more, then she is unclean two weeks of every month.

She then does the doves/pigeons bit with the priest.

Finally God tells Moses to keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean so they will not die in their uncleanness for defiling His dwelling place which is among them.

Keep them away from sores, sex, and menstruation? How? I guess that would also include leprosy and mildew. I wonder how much of this is a sanitation issue and how much a purely spiritual one. And I wonder how these people ever did anything but cleanse themselves of impurities and make sacrifices... and be paranoid about what they forgot to do.

Dew That to Me One More Time

Leviticus 14: 33-56

So, another fun-filled passage about how to clean the unclean. In this episode, we see the travails of keeping that house clean. Not in the dirty laundry on the floor kind of unclean but in the mildew is spreading and the priest has condemned my house kind of unclean. That'll make for an awkward dinner party.

The first order of business when you notice the mildew is to contact the priest. The priest then orders the house to be emptied before he inspects it. This way, if the house is declared unclean, all the things in the house won't be.

This seems a little odd to me. As long as the priest doesn't see it, it doesn't matter if the household items actually have spreading mildew. Hide them before the inspection! I guess it would be in your best interest to get rid of those contaminated things anyhow or the mildew would come back- and maybe there's a section coming up in a chapter or two dealing specifically with mildew plagued chifferobes.

The priest goes in- if the mildew looks green or red and deeper than the surface of the walls, the house gets closed up for seven days. After seven days he comes back to reinspect, if the mildew has spread, he orders all the contaminated stones be ripped out and deposited in an unclean place outside of town. Then they scrape the walls and the unclean shavings get dumped outside of town too. They replace the stones and replaster the house.

If the mildew comes back- the house is unclean. It's to be torn down and added to this toxic landfill beyond the town's city limits. Property values there... not so good.

If you go in the house while it's closed up, you are unclean until evening. If you sleep or eat in the house, you must wash your clothes and you may not be very smart. Or maybe you're very desperate. Losing your house is a big deal. What do you do for the couple of weeks your house is in limbo? What if you don't have family? What if your friends don't have any room? What if you can't afford a suite at Israelite Inn?

If the house has no mildew spread after the replastering, the priest proclaims it clean. Then to purify it, they do that whole two birds, cedar wood, hyssop and scarlet yarn ritual. Blood of the dead bird gets sprinkled on the house seven times which doesn't sound at all sanitary. The live bird is released into open fields... emotionally scarred, but still alive.

Then comes the weird(er) part. In this way, atonement is made for the house. Atonement for the house? Has the house created some horrible evil? Is this Amytiville, Israel? This coupled with early in the passage where God says that these things should happen were He to "put a spreading mildew in a house" seems to imply that perhaps this mildew is a punishment for something done wrong. God put it there and the house needs atonement.

Although this flies in the face of what Job and his friends experience(d) - later in Job (but earlier in history). Maybe God is saying, you're bound to have done something wrong, this house cleansing is a wonderful opportunity to get it all taken care of.

Either way, I'm glad to not live close to the mildew depot in the next town over.