Fool Me Once...
Numbers 23: 13-26


Undaunted, Balak continues.  Look- I'll take you somewhere new where you can see the Israelites- and we'll try this thing again.  Remember... we're looking for a curse here.  Balak builds seven new altars and sacrifices a bull and a ram on each of them.

Balaam tells him, stay with your sacrifices while I go talk with God. God gives another message for Balak once again in poetic form.

Listen up Balak,
Zippor's kid.
God's not a man- He doesn't lie.
God's not human, He's not gonna change His mind.
It's not like He acts without thinking.
It's not like He promises and backs out.
God has commanded me to bless.
I can't change God's command.

Jacob is looking prosperous.
Things are rosy with Israel.
God's with them.
He's cheering them on.
He brought them out of Egypt
and they are as strong as oxen.
There's no witchcraft working against Jacob,
no evil spells haunting Israel.
People will look at Jacob
and at Israel and say- look what God has done!
These people are like lions,
they won't rest until they devour their prey
and drink the blood of their victims.

This was not the message Balak was looking for.  He says- look if you're not gonna curse them, at least don't bless them.

Balaam says, don't shoot the messenger.  I told you I have to do what God says.

OK, all sympathy for Balak is pretty much gone.  Wouldn't he have figured out the first time that this whole curse Israel thing isn't going to work?  Maybe he's just invested so much in this plan that there's no other option.  It's like the Cubs and Alfonso Soriano.

I think what's significant here is how loyal God is to His people.  They've whined, and He's punished.  They are unfaithful and ungrateful but still when another offer comes along, God says, these are my children, and I'm sticking with them.

A comforting idea to consider as God's children of this generation.

The Old Bait and Switch
Numbers 23: 1-12


So Balaam begins his work as Balak's lackey.  It seems the motivation here for Balak is to manipulate God and lure Him away from the Israelites.  Balam stands by his, "I can only tell you what God allows me to" spiel.

But Balaam has Balak help him build seven altars and on each altar they sacrifice both a bull and a ram.  Then Balaam exits to a high place to talk with God.  He tells God of the sacrifices and God tells him His message to deliver.

Balak is salivating- this is it- we've done it.  He's like Wile E Coyote thinking that the ACME company has finally come through.  He can almost taste the road runner... and then the boulder falls from the sky.

Balaam delivers the message (written in Numbers as poetry).  So- Balak the king brought me here- and said c'mon man- curse Jacob- denounce Israel- all the cool kids are doing it. 
But how can I possibly curse or denounce people that God hasn't?
I go to the hilltop and I can see them.
They keep themselves away from the other nations.
And you can't even count them.
You couldn't even count a fourth of them.
I hope my death will be righteous like their's will be.

Balak realizes he has been crossed.  What are you doing?  I said CURSE them, not bless them. 

Balaam says- dude, I told you- I'm only saying what God tells me to.

While elements of this story are amusing- the enemy of God who thinks he's clever gets double-crossed and Israel is blessed, there's also an element of false pretense.  Balaam has to know that things aren't going to work out the way that Balak intends, yet he lets him go through the motions of travel and altar building/sacrifice in vain.   Balaam was up front about his message though, if you bring me, I'll only speak God's words. Since Balak insisted, perhaps the fault lies there.  Carnivorous Vulgaris, indeed.

It is interesting that Balaam promises nothing other than to speak God's words and lets Balak hoist himself by his own petard.  Maybe that's the lesson here, to deal with those who are potential enemies with God's messages and let any damage that comes be self-inflicted.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Numbers 22: 21-41


This passage is an interesting mix of bizarre and enthralling.

So Balaam gets up in the morning and heads out with the Moabite officials as God has told him to do just verses ago, however- this makes God angry.  I'm not sure why.  Balaam's donkey possessing some extra sensory perception is able to see an angel wielding a sword in the path and diverts into a field.  Balaam isn't a fan of this route and struggles to get the donkey back on the road by beating him.  The ASPCA is not happy.

So a little further down the road this happens again.  Only this time, there was nowhere for the donkey to turn, so when he tried to turn he crushed Balaam's foot against a wall.  So Balaam beats the donkey again.

The angel appears a third time down the road a piece, and having no place to turn, the donkey just drops to the ground.  This gets Balaam a bit perturbed.  So he takes out his staff and beats the donkey a third time.

But this time, God opens the donkey's mouth and allows him to have a conversation with him.  Donkey (sounding nothing like Eddie Murphy) says, Why are you hitting me?  I'm a pretty decent donkey and all- there's no need continue to pummel me.

Balaam, not apparently phased by his animal's verbosity replies You made a fool out of me.  You're lucky I don't have my sword because if I did, I'd do more than beat you.

Which would have been a shame, because I'm thinking this donkey could make a bundle at carnivals and such.  I wonder how good a singer he was.

The donkey makes a strong argument.  On a roll and happy to not be Hee-Haw-ing he continues,   "Dude, I've been your donkey for a while.  Do I do this kind of thing ordinarily?"

Balaam pauses and says, "I don't suppose so."

At this point, God opens Balaam's eyes and he too sees the angel with his sword drawn and Balaam instantly loses all of his bravado.

The angel repeats the donkey's question- Why did you beat your donkey?  He saved your life.  I came to stop you from heading down this reckless path.  If he hadn't turned away I would have killed you- but I would have spared the donkey.

Balaam is beyond repentant.  I have sinned!  I didn't know you were there!  I'll go back if that's what you want.

But the angel says, "No, go with them, but speak only what I tell you" - which is what the plan was in the first place.  There's no word here about Balak's official's reaction to all of this scene.  Did Balaam just seem like an LSD addict?  Did they hear the donkey speak too?

When they get there, Balak comes to meet them, apparently a little annoyed.  Balaam, didn't I send an urgent message?  What's the delay?  Where have you been?  You do want this reward, right?

I'm here now, Balaam replies, but I'm not able to speak my mind.  Only what God tells me to say.

Balak makes some sacrifices and gives some of them to Balaam and the officials and then he takes him to where he can see the outskirts of the Israelite camp.

One thing that makes this story weird is not just that there's a talking donkey, but that no one seems at all phased by it.  An argument ensues between a donkey and a man.  The donkey makes more sense and the man doesn't seem to find the exchange odd.

Second, God sends an angel to stop someone from doing what He tells him to do.  And then tells him to do it after all.  The most sense I can make of this is that perhaps some chronology is off in Moses' storytelling.  Maybe Balaam leaves for the trip and this is the conversation alluded to verses earlier.  However, even in that reading some of the details don't make a whole lot of sense.

I also think that this story is foreshadowing Christ.  A wise creature in lowly form comes to stop wayward man from a path that leads to destruction.  In the process he is beaten, but without his connection to God, man would be killed.

And while the intention may not be a lesson about kindness to animals, there is clearly subtext about being overconfident in your own wisdom.  We can't make it alone.